What do I want to make a hobby thread throughout my life. I think it is studying ancient civilization. I think that stuff is really really cool.
And I want to pursue more of myself through a health oriented way as well. I need to release my judgements I am having of some of the components of EH and start to learn it for myself. For instance, watching that video of where she breaks it down into 6 chunks. I look forward to going through the learning center myself and starting to incorporate the knowledge going forward.
I am thinking about if I am going to have kids a lot. And a family. I just don't know. For some reason, in a way, it's like, I feel like I'll be surprised if I have kids and a family. I don't know why. I always thought I would. But maybe I just need to be my own kid, and have a partner and take care of our relationship and lives, and stay close with my Mom and brother. And make good connections and be maternal in my connections and what I pursue in this life, and be maternal towards my projects and anyone I work with. And be good to my friends kid's when they're older who knows, just like for instance, Matt's Aunt really helped me so much.
I will keep working on developing myself and growing myself and becoming a more and more solid person a better version of myself. The virgo in my strives for that perfectionism. The aries moon and aries north node in me and aries yod point really makes it so that so much of my reality is about 'me'. Which sometimes I really feel limited by, but it's what I gotta do. And the libra rising in me and libra south node, frankly makes a lot of sense, in how I can converse with so many people and have a hard time coming out of the woodwork. Aries and Libra, ugh, such opposites. And so weird I have aries moon and libra rising.
Forrest was a cancer sun. Cancers are very challenging for me. I think all water signs are, bc I have so little water. I can't follow their emotions, in a way. I know so many water signs though.
I gotta be solid in my own skin. Gotta feel good about my life path. That's the most important thing. Who knows why Forrest came into my life and why all those damn synchronicities happened. It baffles my mind. I do want to email that woman underground star and ask her what she thinks. And ask if she'd want to have a call to discuss it. It's uncanny how it unfolds.
There's a part of me that wants to learn how to astral travel and lucid dream so I can seek information there. I feel like last night's one, wasn't as much of a dream. It felt a lot more real, even though it was daytime. Like, I got pulled out of my regular dream, and into that spot where her purse was, and she knew I was going to be there. That purse needed to be there, in order to alert me and make me more lucid within the dream.
Some of the happiest moments of my life were with Forrest. Some of the biggest leaps I've taken. It's too bad she couldn't even feel that. It's too bad she couldn't help herself in needing to be so superior over me. I look back and I still see it all from a state of confusion, because her version of the reality is so twisted. There's no way to talk about it. And I am too stubborn and frankly too hurt and don't trust myself enough to be able to handle a friendship.
It's too bad we were never able to meet up to discuss it. To come to a resolution. But, every time I tried that when we were together, it was always a disaster and ended up with her berating and belittling me. I don't understand why someone would act like that. Be-little. To make someone feel small and minimized. That's certainly what as going on.
I was thinking tomorrow what do I want to talk to Nancy about for this checkin? I sort of just want to keep her in my corner, and keep her up to date, as an aide in my life.
Comments
Post a Comment